Yesterday, while walking Tucker at a nearby park, I was marveling at how nice it was to be walking the trails without anyone else around. The weather was cold, gloomy and almost ready to rain but Tucker and I had planned for it. I was wearing about seventeen layers of clothing and Tucker was wearing his dog collar.
As we came around this turn, we could see up ahead was a women, her six year old boy and they were both holding the leash of their little Pug dog. This was about mile three of my five mile hike. Our trek took us over some steep hills and trails but now were on the paved road in the park, about two miles from home.
We came up from behind and Tucker was just giddy to finally see another dog. We exchanged pleasantries but since I don’t speak much Spanish we didn’t have much to talk about. The mutual butt sniffing ensued (between the dogs) and the Pug really didn’t want have anything to do with Tucker so we were on our way.
Tucker and I got about twenty feet away when we heard the tip-tap of little feet behind us. We stopped and turned and there was the six year old trotting after us. He came up to us to let his Pug get another whiff. The Pug was starting to wheeze just slightly and he only wanted to rest, let alone nuzzle his nose up to Tuckers behind.
I might have said “Done De Gracias” or something equally as lame that was pulled from my memory of my Spanish class in high school. I saw this as a waste of time so I smiled and we were back on pace. The kid just smiled.
About twenty feet away I heard it again. Tip-tap, tip-tap tip-tap. That kid was trying to catch up to us again. Thinking that I might have said – “Please chase us down” in Spanish – so we stopped once more. The Pug was wheezing, the kid was smiling, and Tucker was looking at me like “Why’d we stop again if the dog doesn’t want to play”.
We turned and picked up the pace just a bit to put some distance between us and kid and the Pug. By this time the mother was about 50 yards back – saying nothing, doing nothing.
Tip-tap, wheeze, tip-tap tip-tap. The kid was on the hunt once more. I had had it. This time, there would be no more stopping. I started to really pickup my steps this time. We were going to dust this kid and his little heavy breathing Pug. We got about 150 yards ahead and I started thinking we lost them, so we slowed down a bit. After all, I don’t like to go that fast normally. I had on so many layers of clothing I looked like the Michelin Man so I started sweating like a goat!
Tip-tap, wheeze, tip-tap wheeze, tip-tap, wheeze . What is with this kid? We had to really get moving and this time we were almost running. Tucker loved it but my feet didn’t. My hiking boots were not made for running and my feet were really beginning to ache. Tip-tap, wheeze, tip-tap wheeze, tip-tap, wheeze . Why did I have the miniature Terminator behind me? I looked back and the mom was nowhere to be seen – but there was the kid, pick’em up and putt’em down, dragging his drooling dog behind him – closing on me!
I am just about running from this kid thinking he’s got to tire out pretty soon doesn’t he? Wouldn’t the mom finally tell him to stop chasing that old guy?
Tip-tap, wheeze, tip-tap wheeze, tip-tap, wheeze. I could not believe what I was seeing. My feet were burning like they were on fire, so I looked down at my GPS and I had been chased by this kid and his dog for almost a half a mile. A half a mile! Little Stevey Prefontane dragging his Pug to chase down this limping old sweaty dude with a Beagle! I thought I was in the middle of a Stephen King Novel.
Finally, I put enough distance between me and the little nightmare where I could walk normally – but now my feet were killing me. I got home and removed my boots to find a HUGE blister on the bottom of my foot. I am now limping around the house and hoping this doesn’t keep me from golfing on Saturday. All because of some kid and his Pug.
3 comments:
A couple of things immediately come to mind. First, you went to great lengths to describe how far you walked, how fast you ran, and how steep the trail was. Assuming that was all true - wouldn't you be thinner and in better shape? I suspect that the "tip-tap" was your uneven gait due to your blistered foot; and the "wheeze" was you gasping for air. Secondly, I really question the logic of wearing such an abundance of clothing when one plans to undertake a strenuous hike. You have already deluged your razor phone battery with goat sweat once. If you continue to engage in "hot box hiking" I would suggest buying a giant condom and putting it on your cell phone. Lastly, I got a little mixed up about who's sweaty ass was getting sniffed by who - but all in all an interesting read.
Are you sure you want to be posting this whole accounting now that the kid and his dog have gone missing? Between that and all the sweaty DNA you left in the woods (and God knows what other DNA you left behind when you thought you were alone), won't you become a prime suspect? I can see the milk carton now: "Last seen enjoying a walk with his adorable Pug when a flabby, sweaty old man told him to "Work his dog and choke the collar" in broken Spanish. Please call Phil at the Hayward Police Department with any information. $5000 reward."
Those of us on the outside looking in are dying to know... Did your blister heal? Were you able to go stink up the golf course that weekend?
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